Ask Eric: Caretaker appears to not care

Wheelchair user gets no sympathy.

Chicago Tribune
July 10, 2025 at 8:59AM

Dear Eric: I am 40. I need a powered wheelchair to get around both outside and inside my apartment. Recently, my tires were popped by some broken glass from a bottle thrown out of a passing car onto the sidewalk. It has been a week since I have been able to use my wheelchair, and I have three more weeks before my new tires arrive.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be infuriated that someone’s litter caused me to spend $200 on replacement tires. My caregiver disagrees. He says that it’s my fault for not turning around. He also said that I am overreacting, when the most I have done is complain a little bit for maybe an hour total and make a joking “whoever threw the bottle on the sidewalk owes me $200” comment once.

Am I being too sensitive about this? I think being upset about having to spend $200 that I can’t afford to replace something necessary for my continued functioning because of litter is understandable, but I would like to ask for your thoughts on the matter to be sure.

Eric says: Let me get this straight. Your caregiver, who understands the challenges you face navigating a world that is often not accommodating, thinks that you don’t have the right to be peeved about this? Litter, particularly broken glass, is a problem for everyone, and any one of us could and should be upset about having to navigate a sidewalk strewn with jagged pieces, even if it didn’t cost us $200 or a temporary restriction in mobility.

What happened had a greater impact on you than it would on someone who could just step to the side or crunch the glass under a boot. Your caregiver needs to acknowledge that some things in the world affect you differently.

I hope that this is an isolated incident in your relationship and he’s able to be supportive in other ways. Because care is about more than physical assistance. It’s also about being willing to say, “I see you. I hear you. What you’re feeling is valid.”

Suddenly in charge

Dear Eric: I am the youngest of three sons, and both of my brothers have passed away. Now I find myself thrust into the role of executor for my parents, who are both about to turn 90. I have conducted significant research on what is needed to be in place both legally and financially and have consulted with friends who also have aging parents.

However, my parents don’t want to talk about these issues, and I am really in the dark on what arrangements they have in place. My father handled most of the issues, but now suffers from dementia, so there are a lot of unknowns.

My mother is overwhelmed with taking care of my father. I don’t want to pressure them, but I am really anxious about this and want to deal with these important decisions while they are still in good health.

Eric says: Tackle one small task at a time. I’d suggest you start with power of attorney. It can be a relatively simple process for which you can tackle most of the paperwork. With their blessing and their signatures, you’ll then be allowed to talk to their lawyer and financial planner, and this will give you a clearer picture of what they’ve already put into place.

Be clear with them about the concerns you have, the questions you need answered and the guidance you’re seeking. They can help you think through next steps for your parents and, hopefully, also take some things off of your plate.

You don’t have to take care of everything, and you don’t have to do everything right now. And accept that it’s not going to be perfect; nothing ever is.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.

about the writer

about the writer

R. Eric Thomas