Dear Eric: I am 40. I need a powered wheelchair to get around both outside and inside my apartment. Recently, my tires were popped by some broken glass from a bottle thrown out of a passing car onto the sidewalk. It has been a week since I have been able to use my wheelchair, and I have three more weeks before my new tires arrive.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be infuriated that someone’s litter caused me to spend $200 on replacement tires. My caregiver disagrees. He says that it’s my fault for not turning around. He also said that I am overreacting, when the most I have done is complain a little bit for maybe an hour total and make a joking “whoever threw the bottle on the sidewalk owes me $200” comment once.
Am I being too sensitive about this? I think being upset about having to spend $200 that I can’t afford to replace something necessary for my continued functioning because of litter is understandable, but I would like to ask for your thoughts on the matter to be sure.
Eric says: Let me get this straight. Your caregiver, who understands the challenges you face navigating a world that is often not accommodating, thinks that you don’t have the right to be peeved about this? Litter, particularly broken glass, is a problem for everyone, and any one of us could and should be upset about having to navigate a sidewalk strewn with jagged pieces, even if it didn’t cost us $200 or a temporary restriction in mobility.
What happened had a greater impact on you than it would on someone who could just step to the side or crunch the glass under a boot. Your caregiver needs to acknowledge that some things in the world affect you differently.
I hope that this is an isolated incident in your relationship and he’s able to be supportive in other ways. Because care is about more than physical assistance. It’s also about being willing to say, “I see you. I hear you. What you’re feeling is valid.”
Suddenly in charge
Dear Eric: I am the youngest of three sons, and both of my brothers have passed away. Now I find myself thrust into the role of executor for my parents, who are both about to turn 90. I have conducted significant research on what is needed to be in place both legally and financially and have consulted with friends who also have aging parents.
However, my parents don’t want to talk about these issues, and I am really in the dark on what arrangements they have in place. My father handled most of the issues, but now suffers from dementia, so there are a lot of unknowns.
