Dear Eric: I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for about 10 years. We both share views that lean left. In the past we’ve shared many dinners discussing the inequities of our country and other political topics. My friend is constantly lamenting about how unfair our society is and is super empathetic to the plight of the disadvantaged, which I understand.
My friend has two homes paid off, retired early and is sitting on tons of money. She could be doing something with her money to physically and financially help the underserved, but she doesn’t. However, she’s constantly on this soap box, and I can’t take it anymore.
I know confronting her with what I see as her hypocrisy won’t go over well. Last time we had one of these conversations, it made me super uncomfortable. I asked her why she talks to me about this so much and what purpose it served because we can’t solve the world’s problems. She said, “You have good ideas, maybe you’ll have a solution.”
Well, I do have a good idea, and it is for her to sell her second home and fund some college scholarships, pay for drug/alcohol rehab for those who want it, provide housing, used cars, day care and other things to those in need. She could single-handedly change and improve dozens of lives.
I expect my solution will go over like a ton of bricks but I’m tired of hearing about her angst when she has the ability to do some good in this world instead of just talking about it. Please advise.
Eric says: I don’t see why you can’t offer the suggestions you listed here. If you’re afraid of coming off as too dogmatic, frame them as suggestions or even find some charities or nonprofits you want to support and ask her if she’ll join you.
If you expect your solution to go over like a ton of bricks, you have nothing to lose. And, who knows, one of those bricks might lay the foundation for more charitable actions.
Flower power
Dear Eric: My husband has a block, mentally, where he cannot buy flowers. I think he is willfully incompetent. I tried bargaining with him to back off because I prefer to choose my own bouquets. But he wants/defends the job of buying them as well as the privilege of withholding them from me. How can I deal with this?