Ask Eric: Don’t give up on estranged grandkid

Dear Eric: My husband and I have been estranged from our 17-year-old granddaughter for eight years. We were loving, supportive grandparents, but after our daughter-in-law broke up with our son, she blocked our granddaughter from seeing us.

I have tried to keep contact with our granddaughter with gifts and cards. I do not receive a response of any kind from her. We believe her mother forbids her from contacting us.

Should I continue to mail things to her? I don’t want her to forget us, but I’m tired of attempting to reach out to her with no response.

Eric says: Eight years is a long time to go with no response. I know that’s hard. If you’re ready to stop — or modify this practice — I think it’s OK to do so. It hasn’t had the desired effect thus far, and if it’s just contributing to your grief and sense of loss, it might be best to take a pause.

Consider, however, that your granddaughter is about to become a legal adult and, therefore, will be able to make different choices about who gets to contact her. And also consider that the gifts may have had a positive impact on her, even if they didn’t result in a closer relationship with you.

Which is not to say that you are obligated to keep up a tradition that’s wearing you down. Instead, you might take a few years off and then reach out with a letter asking if she’s open to reconnecting. You’ll have to respect whatever she chooses.

Dear Eric: I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half. I care about her a lot, and our relationship means a lot to me. However, recently our relationship has been missing the spark it used to have (although I still very much enjoy spending time with her).

Additionally, I have started finding someone at work attractive. I have told my partner that I find this person attractive, but I said it didn’t amount to much (sort of like thinking a movie star is attractive), and so my partner was not too upset.

However, I feel very guilty about my feelings of attraction and am worried that it could be a sign my girlfriend may not be right for me. But I’m hesitant to break up with my current partner.

Furthermore, I haven’t spent much time with the coworker, so, I don’t know much about her personality, and she could end up being someone that I actually dislike. Is it a bad idea to throw away a perfectly good relationship just for a crush? Is it immoral to have these feelings and stay with my partner? Are these feelings a sign that maybe our relationship isn’t meant to be?

Eric says: Bad idea? Yes. Immoral? No. A sign? Hazy.

Your relationship with your girlfriend is changing, as is natural. Things won’t always have the sizzle and spark of your early attraction. That can be jarring, but it’s often an opportunity for you both to reinvest in the relationship, to make some adjustments and to light new sparks.

Try to communicate openly about what you miss, what you’re hoping for and ways — big and small — that you can keep building the relationship.

It’s easier to imagine that everything will be perfect with some other person — without even really knowing that person — than to accept that “perfect” with the person we do know takes work.

If you want to get to know your coworker outside of the office and see if reality matches your imagination, that’s fine (presuming she also wants to get to know you). But I think your first step should be spending some time working on your relationship with your partner.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.