There is a notion among followers of the Turkey Awards over these many years that the goal is to degrade the invitees, and in particular the individual or group that takes away the Grand Turkey.
Patrick Reusse’s 2024 Turkey of the Year winner is …
Evidence exists that some recent Grand Turkeys changed their behavior after receiving the prestigious honor. Inspired, The Chairman declares this the Make the Turkeys Great Again era.
The Minnesota Star Tribune
November 28, 2024 at 5:59AM
This is far from accurate, for when The Chairman and his advisers make the determination, it is always with the hope that honorees will use this as motivation to become their better selves, individually or as a group.
Be assured, there was nothing more satisfying for those of us burdened with offering this Thanksgiving tradition than in 2018, when P.J. Fleck cruised to the award in Year Zero-plus one as the Gophers football coach.
Fleck took this constructive criticism to heart immediately and, two days later, coached the Gophers to a 37-15 road victory over rival Wisconsin. This ended the Gophers’ 14-game losing streak to the Badgers.
Here’s a fact previously known only within the Turkey Committee:
Every time the trophy, Paul Bunyan’s Axe, was displayed publicly in Minnesota over the next several months, we had a representative there to gaze with admiration and applaud Coach Fleck.
And we did this even though Heather Fleck, P.J.’s bride, had declared on pre-Elon Twitter that The Chairman was a terrible person.
Hurtful though that remains, it must be pointed out it wasn’t The Chairman addressing that Coach Fleck OK’d an incredibly stupid trick play inside the Penn State 10 that cost the Gophers the best chance to upset the overrated Nittany Lions last Saturday.
No, that was our Mr. Football Across Minnesota, Anthony “Chip” Scoggins.
We’re here to serve, not to slice. And right now in St. Paul, where the Turkey Awards actually started in 1978, there is another example of the motivating force they can be:
One year ago, the winners were the Minnesota Wild, as they marked the 20th season since the franchise’s one and only playoff run in 2003.
Since then, nothing but full houses, and nothing of significance in the easy-to-reach NHL playoffs.
Message to Wild on Thanksgiving 2023: Shape up over there. Message on Thanksgiving 2024: Challenge accepted. Fantastic with the never-say-die attitude, you Skating W’s.
As we prepare for this year’s feast, it would be negligent not to mention the dissension that has plagued the Turkey Committee in recent times — to the point the awards and banquet were canceled for a year.
This all started when The Chairman was spotted in a drive-thru lane at a Chick-fil-A a few years back. He was removed from power in a vote that involved rampant cheating.
“That blowhard will never be back,” said the Turkey pundits.
Well, The Chairman is now back, in decisive fashion, and being greeted by mobs wearing MTGA hats. Yes, we’re here to Make the Turkeys Great Again. To make sure this movement is lasting, we are announcing a five-person advisory board with tremendous powers to bring change.
Of course, you have the assurance of The Chairman that these are only the best people.
- Tim Greene, Maj Forsberg and Roy Gulbeyan. These three are considered such citadels of excellence and objectivity that they were chosen by the WNBA to work the decisive fifth game of the WNBA Finals between our Lynx and the New York Liberty.
- Tim Brewster. This football coach and dynamic personality had the Gophers standing at 7-1 in only his second season (2008). He came roaring back on the head coaching scene to lead struggling Charlotte to a 39-27 win over Florida Atlantic last Saturday. Coach Brew could finish unbeaten with a home win over UAB.
- Royce White. Fortunately, Royce, with his unique ability to calmly dissect controversial issues, has a couple of years to help us out before taking on Tina Smith in his next U.S. Senate race.
Today, we are back with a full-budget banquet after several years of warmed-up frozen dinners, and we will begin with several special honors.
- Sid Hartman Memorial Lifetime Achievement in Media Homerism. We are proud to honor Paul Allen, well-rated KFAN morning host, voice of the Vikings. He has been in these roles for decades and proven — as Sid did before him — that pandering brings success in this sports market.
- P.J. Reusse Please Get to the Point Award. In an incredibly close vote, Kris Atteberry, Twins radio play-by-play, edged out Justin Morneau, Twins TV analyst. Impressive, as this was Atteberry’s first season as the Twins’ lead broadcaster.
- P.J. Fleck Gibberish Award. Derek Falvey from the Twins gets this award for his triple-speak in trying to explain the departure of General Manager Thad Levine. Unsaid: Thad’s contract ran out and the Twins didn’t renew it.
- 41-Donut Choke of Year Award. The Aurora, the much-publicized soccer team playing in Eagan, edged out the Twins. On the surface, this was a shocking vote, but it was actually a triumph for the growing power of women’s sports: A third consecutive year of the Aurora’s domination of the regular season and then falling flat in the playoffs beat out the 12-27 finish for the Twins.
And now for the head table, loaded as it is with bigwigs.
- Rich McKay: He’s here as the longstanding head of the NFL competition committee. Of all the questionable decisions by this group, nothing rivals the idiotic approach to kickoffs brought on for 2024. Looks stupid, and is a disgrace to competition.
- Don Garber: The commissioner of Major League Soccer is here to be scolded for one of his teams (in this case, our Loons) winning the first two in a best-of-three playoff series, then not playing its next match for three weeks. We know … it’s because of FIFA. Well, tell those bribe-takers to take a hike.
- Kendall Coyne Schofield: Here to represent the voices in the locker room that helped get Natalie Darwitz fired as general manager of the St. Paul franchise in the fledgling Professional Women’s Hockey League. Upset run to win title, get boss fired, choose a horrible nickname (Frost), start a new season on Dec. 1. Next: Figure out a way to get some goals into the game, because the playoffs would’ve needed improvement to qualify as boredom.
- Max Kepler: You disappointed Twins followers, Max. There was so much more in that perfect ballplayer’s frame to give than they got.
- Royce Lewis: You disappointed Twins followers during the collapse, Royce. From the star who arrived as the Grand Slam King to weeks as an out man at the plate but not in the field.
- Jordan Addison: Threat as a receiver when Justin Jefferson is being double-teamed, for sure, but his record-breaking came in the difference in speed in dangerous traffic violations: 140 mph on I-94 in St. Paul in 2023, zero while sleeping in a freeway lane in Los Angeles in 2024. That one hasn’t been adjudicated as yet.
Before announcing the Grand Turkey, The Chairman and the committee must admit to having failed in one area: big-time college sports and what they have become in an instant of time.
We don’t approve, but then again, anything that allows Vanderbilt to beat Alabama and Indiana to get to 10-0 before losing can’t be all bad. We’re still perplexed.
There was no such equivocation in choosing the Turkey of the Year for 2024: Joe Pohlad.
He’s here representing the third generation of Pohlad ownership of the Twins, perhaps taking the fall for Uncle Jim, but Joe did accept the title of executive chairman.
Two years ago, Joe was at the Mall of America rotunda, announcing a “new era of Twins baseball” — and then unveiling some new wardrobe including what looked like a Miami Marlins hat.
He was also the Pohlad making the regrettable preseason comment about “right-sizing” the payroll before the 2024 season.
Joe seems like the right Pohlad to follow his late grandfather Carl, the only two-time winner of this prize, as a Turkey of Year — before the family sells the club.
P.S.: The ceremony honoring Joe will be televised this afternoon, but you’ll need Fubo.
Evidence exists that some recent Grand Turkeys changed their behavior after receiving the prestigious honor. Inspired, The Chairman declares this the Make the Turkeys Great Again era.
