Brooks: Kristi Noem’s ‘Hunger Games’? It could actually happen.

From Kristi Noem — the governor who made South Dakota Great Again by moving far, far away — a modest proposal.

Noem’s Department of Homeland Security is mulling a pitch from a “Duck Dynasty” producer about a reality television program where immigrants compete for a shot at citizenship.

That’s right. America may be ducked.

According to Fox News, a group of people who still want to be Americans at this point would be loaded aboard an Amtrak train that would “cart them around the country” for the viewers’ entertainment. The “Duck Dynasty” guy wants to call the show “The American,” and Homeland Security has signaled interest.

(Dragging Amtrak into this just seems like an unnecessarily cruel dig at former President Joe Biden. The man has cancer, let him enjoy his trains.)

No word yet about whether this game show would operate under "Hunger Games" rules, "Squid Game" rules, a "Purge" situation or some other setup. I didn’t read enough dystopian fiction to prepare for this news cycle.

Congressional Republicans have proposed $300 billion — with a “b” — in cuts to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program so the Trump administration can spend another $350 billion on immigration detention and deportation. So “Hunger Games” might be our best point of reference here.

Noem does like to play dress-up, so a glittering game show with costumed hosts might appeal. Judging by the photos coming out of Homeland Security these days, Noem’s job is just dressing up like other people’s jobs. A firefighter. A pilot. An enthusiastic prison warden.

I do not like to pick on South Dakota, where I’ve lived and which I love. But Minnesota, South Dakota and North Dakota have all produced Cabinet secretaries this time around. And by the transitive property of Minnesota, we are obliged to keep tabs on all their scandals. Every puppy Noem has executed. Every cookie Doug Burgum forces his staff to bake for him. Pete Hegseth’s whole deal.

Congress is wrestling with a 1,116-page Trump administration wish list. Trump’s “big, beautiful bill,” larded with $5 trillion in tax cuts, is guaranteed to add $3 trillion to the deficits of a nation that just had its credit rating downgraded.

They’re talking about gutting $880 billion from Medicaid. Twenty percent of Minnesota’s population relies on Medicaid.

There are a great many terrible things happening in Kristi Noem’s insecure homeland. The Trump administration finally found refugees they could welcome with open arms. Trump reopened the refugee program, just a crack, to 59 Afrikaners — the white ethnic minority who ran South Africa during the racist apartheid regime.

And then he slammed the door again before anyone could ask about the children being starved before our eyes in Gaza. Or the Afghan translators and their families who risked their lives to work with U.S. forces during the war. Or anyone else looking for a refuge from war, famine and terror.

The administration would rather you not think about that. They certainly don’t want you thinking about the billions the administration wants to spend on a few more sections of the border wall that Trump claimed he finished in his first term (and that Mexico was going to pay for). They would rather you not think about America’s lost AAA credit rating or Trump’s poll numbers or what happens to your 401(k) every time he tweets something in caps lock at one of our major trading partners.

No wonder Noem and Homeland Security jumped at the idea of Making America Duck Dynasty Again.

It’s going to cost the taxpayers $1 billion to retrofit that “free” luxury jet that the president just accepted from a foreign government. But shhhh, don’t worry your head about that. Let’s watch a trainload of immigrants fight for the right to become part of Kristi Noem’s America.