Brehm: Here’s one way we can help heal our divided country

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Although America’s divisive presidential election is now behind us, casting votes did not do much to heal our country’s deep philosophical and political divides. We remain a polarized people, with about half the nation pleased about the electoral outcome and the other half perplexed by it.

In a healthy democracy, there will always be vigorous debate and disagreement about what policy prescriptions are best for our cities, states and nation — and who is best equipped to lead them. A consensus is always hard to find in a country as geographically, racially and socioeconomically diverse as ours.

But self-rule requires societal self-assessment. And an honest reflection on the worrying level of political enmity that exists today reveals we must do better for American democracy to thrive. The hostility on both sides of the aisle is not conducive to a free society functioning well, as it makes substantive discourse between disagreeing parties impossible and instills fear in many that exercising First Amendment rights will get them in trouble at home or at work. Democracy requires reflection, rigor and reason. It calls us to be calm, attentive and courteous. All things sorely lacking in recent ballot box contests.

So how can this caustic political climate be reset? One potential simple solution: friendship. When we hold true friends who vote differently from the way we do, we can empathize with what motivates those on the other side of causes we care about. And that understanding allows for a more thoughtful approach to and investigation of our own views. By humanizing our public policy adversaries, politically diverse relationships help hold us back from using the cheapest and most destructive partisan tool: demonizing the opposition.

My own anecdotal observations along with recent studies confirm that Americans are more and more segregating their relationships based on politics. An Axios poll of young adults revealed 33% of respondents would “definitely not” or “probably not” befriend someone who voted for a different presidential nominee. And according to a study by the Survey Center on American Life, 15% of people torpedoed acquaintances over political disagreements alone.

It’s not hard to understand this troubling trend. Life can be a lot easier if one silos among people who see the world the same way. Let’s be honest: It’s gratifying to have our views affirmed and much harder to have them challenged. It’s effortless just to reject the political opposition as morally reprehensible and much more difficult to impersonally advocate one’s ideas with good argument and data instead. But failing to interact on a personal level with people we disagree with coarsens our politics, eliminates the philosophical and factual accountability that comes from respectful disagreement and makes us too strident with each other.

Conservatives are a rare breed in my hometown of St. Paul, and if I chose my friendships based on partisan leanings I’d be a very lonely guy. But most of my best friends and neighbors here are dyed-in-the-wool Democrats. They are smart and well informed, and they deepen and enrich my own views by arguing their side of things with me. We listen to and learn from one another — and even though our minds are rarely changed, our opinions are refined for the better. But, more importantly, my left-of-center friends in the Saintly City are interesting, kind and of good character. How foolish it would be to cut such people out of my life simply because they vote differently. And I am grateful they keep me in theirs.

While maintaining friendships across party lines sounds like a good idea in theory, it can be tough work. It requires of us a decision to love each other even in the face of disagreement and to honor our friends’ right to freedom of speech and thought. And while we can confront our friends’ views and preferred political candidates, we also must be willing to be the one who is challenged and to welcome such confrontation. A bipartisan friendship commands intellectual humility and leaves open the idea that we might be wrong.

If one cannot do this and lacks friendships with significant political differences, it’s strong evidence one is an ideologue, which is not a good thing to be. Philosophically intolerant dogmatists have trouble getting along with those they conflict with on matters of political profundity. That type of intolerant attitude does not work well in a system of self-government that requires a free flow of ideas and discourse. And it’s an unhealthy and unhelpful characteristic to have if one wants to be productive and happy in a pluralistic society.

“Everyone notionally understands his or her own fallibility,” the conservative Princeton Prof. Robert P. George, who enjoys a well-known and close friendship with Democratic Socialist Cornel West, wrote in a recent social media post. “But notionally isn’t enough. The test comes when someone disagrees with you about something you regard as profoundly important — when someone dissents from your deepest, most cherished, even identity-forming beliefs … It takes genuine strength of character and courage — truly, and not merely notionally, to recognize our fallibility. Fellow truth-seekers can be friends because they recognize their own fallibility and are willing to be challenged, as well as to challenge. They’re eager to learn from each other. Unlike ideologues, they don’t allow infatuation with their own opinions to impede pursuit of truth.”

Don’t we all want to be truth-seekers? Dogmatism seems like a downer.

Sunny Hostin, the liberal-leaning co-host of the television program “The View,” encouraged her Democratic viewers to cut off contact with family and friends that voted the other way during the upcoming holidays. What daft advice. Our relationships with loved ones should always surmount politics, no matter what. And we can all help unite our fractured nation after this bruising election by committing to respectfully engage with those we disagree with and listen more earnestly to ideas we do not like. Loving those who think differently from us can also truly be one of life’s great treasures. Don’t rob yourself of it.