Ask Eric: It’s time to drop old crush

Dear Eric: I am a lesbian in my late 60s. Recently I had a dream of a woman I knew back in the ‘70s. I was very taken by her. But even though I knew I was gay, I married my boyfriend. That’s how we dealt with being a lesbian in the ‘70s.

The woman and I and other friends went on coffee breaks for a couple of years, and she always sat across from me. Sometimes I caught her staring at me, and her face would turn red.

Back to 2025, I am single, and I figure I would look her up. I saw by media sites that she was not married and never was.

I tried to message her on Facebook, and, to my surprise, I discovered she blocked me. I phoned her and left a message, but I never heard back.

So, I drove to where she lived, and when she came out of her house, I called out to her. She said she did not know me. So, I just dropped the whole thing.

I asked a friend of hers about the situation, and the friend ghosted me too. What is your take on this?

Eric says: Please let this reconnection go. There’s a version of this scenario that plays out like a romance movie, but the Facebook block, the personal interaction and your other friend’s response are clear signs that this plot line is not a shared goal.

Some of this behavior is concerning — going to her house, for instance, is a step too far. So in the future, please check your thinking and run ideas by your friends before you act on them.

Some of the energy you wanted to have in the past, but couldn’t because of societal pressures, skewed this interaction in the present. That doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of a connection. You are. This wasn’t the right one, and she tried to make that clear by not responding to your phone call.

When testing the waters, it’s important to pay attention to nonverbal cues and respect people’s boundaries. In the future, try a cooler approach. The person who is for you will match your energy.

Dear Eric: My beautiful daughter passed away from breast cancer seven months ago. I was her caregiver for almost three years and am devastated by losing her.

I have tried a couple times to start writing thank-you cards to those who sent flowers, dropped off food and visited. But I end up hysterical and simply put it aside. I have given a few cards to her best friends and thanked others via personal messages on social media.

Is it ever considered too late to send thank-you cards acknowledging those who were there for my daughter and myself during her illness and funeral services and how much I appreciated them?

Eric says: I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You’ve been through something awful, and there’s no timetable for how you navigate this period after. And that includes thank-you notes. So, short answer: it’s never too late to send them.

Grief changes the course of our lives. Often, the basic things in life become a challenge. And those who know us, or know how all-encompassing grief can be, understand that. So, trust that your friends and loved ones aren’t sitting by the mailbox waiting for your reply to their gesture. Even if there are people in your circle who are waiting for a thank-you note, or an acknowledgement that what they did made a difference, it can come on your schedule.

The main priority is that you allow yourself the time you need to heal. Your response to the notes you’ve tried to write is telling you that it’s not the time yet.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.